


Time To Make a Joke

by annabeth_the_duck



Series: Percy Jackson fics [5]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Attempted Suicide, Dark Thoughts, Gen, Leo Valdez Needs a Hug, Suicidal Thoughts, TW: Suicide, The Argo II - Freeform, The Seven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27633212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annabeth_the_duck/pseuds/annabeth_the_duck
Summary: Leo uses jokes to hide himself. But what happens when the mask of humour shatters, and who will piece the shards back together?
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Percy Jackson fics [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002993
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	Time To Make a Joke

**Author's Note:**

> idk about the description, but it was the best I could do right now  
> oh look at me self-projecting onto a character at 6 fuckin am  
> this is pretty dark, so just be careful kiddos and stay safe

“I have to warn you guys… this is dangerous. We might _die_.” Percy said seriously.

A clamour of voices spoke up:

“As if that’s not what our life is on a daily basis.”

“Sounds fun, I’m in.”

“Let’s riot, bitches.”

“We can only hope.”

Jason snapped his head around. “What was that, Leo?”

 _Dammit, that wasn’t supposed to be out loud._ “Hmm? Oh, nothing.” Leo grinned, and Jason looked away again.

* * *

Leo was sitting on one of the benches around the deck of the Argo II, uncharacteristically still. His legs were drawn up to his chest, hands wrapped around them, devoid of any new invention or piece of metal to tinker with. His eyes were blank and staring at his feet, barely blinking. It was unusual to see him so stationary, him having the typical hyper activeness that came with having ADHD and being a demigod.

“…Leo? Le- Leo!” His head shot up, startled, to see Percy only inches away. “Leo, you good?”

“What? Yeah, yeah. Yup. I’m totally good.” Leo smiled widely, reassuring Percy, but the son of Poseidon was still a bit concerned.

“What were you thinking about?”

“Huh?”

Percy frowned. Leo not paying attention wasn’t uncommon, but he seemed way more distracted than usual right now. “You looked pretty deep in thought, dude. Whatcha thinking about?”

“Diving off the ship into depths of the ocean.” A sarcastic grin spread across Leo’s face. His hands were trembling.

“But… you can’t breathe underwater.”

Leo’s eyes widened. _Shit. I said that. He probably thinks I’m insane._ “Uh, nevermind. It was a dumb joke.”

Percy eyed him, pressing his lips together. “Okay. Tell me if you ever want to go for a swim and I’ll make sure you don’t drown or die on impact, mkay?”

“Ha. Yeah, sure, thanks bro.”

* * *

Leo’s breath hitched. He gritted his teeth and ducked his head, curling into a ball under his sheets and trying to muffle the sobs. His breath came faster and faster, his head pounding and mind swirling. _You’re a monster. An annoyance. Seventh wheel. No one really cares about you, they’re all pretending._ He banged his head uselessly on the mattress, trying to beat the thoughts out of his brain. He built this ship, right? That’s something he did. _Stupid. It’s not even very good, you could’ve done so much more, if only you weren’t so busy wasting time. They only wanted you to build it, they didn’t want you on the quest. Anyone is more experiences than you. Just shut up shut up shut up-_ “Shutupshutupshutupshutupshut-”

“Leo?” Hazel’s voice said sleepily from the hallway.

Leo froze, tears still running down his face. _Well, shit._ “Uh, yeah?” He said, praying his voice didn’t crack. He sat up, aggressively wiping his wet face and running a hand through his hair.

“You good?”

“Y-yeah-” _Whoops, there’s the voice crack-_ “I just… uh, one of my machines was… making a noise.” _Smooth, Valdez._

“Are you sure?” Hazel worried, sounding a lot more awake. _Useless, now you’ve disturbed her. Are you really this much of a screw-up-_

He smacked himself in the forehead, before realizing that she’d probably heard that, too. “Yup, sorry. It should stop now.”

A pause. “Can I come in?”

Leo warred with himself, weighing the options. If she came in, she might notice something was off. If he refused, well, that was a dead giveaway that he was lying. “Um, gimme a sec-” He threw himself out of bed as silently as he could, rushing to his desk and grabbing something off the surface. Shoving his hand into his toolbelt, he snatched a screwdriver out of its depths, then headed over to the door to let Hazel in. Biting his lip nervously, he twisted the door handle, pulling it to let the door swing open in a slightly eerie manner. Hazel squinted at him, still obviously having woken up only a few minutes ago, and Leo cursed himself. There were so many holes in his story, _stupidstupidstupid-_

“Leo?” Hazel’s face softened, tone so pillowy he could practically take a nap on it. “Are you alright? Your face looks a bit pink…”

“Yeah, it’s just warm in here,” he lied easily.

“Wait-” Hazel squinted, staring intensely at his face. “Have you been crying?”

“What? Me? Of course not,” he joked. “I just… pinched myself with my. My tool. My pliers,” The answer was weak, and he knew it. “I’m all good, Hazel.” He gave her a big, bright smile. He was always fine. The cheerful one, the jokey one, the one who always managed to lift the spirits of the group. He was doing fine.

Hazel sighed, a small smile perched on her lips now. He was in the clear. “Okay. Try to get some sleep, Leo.”

He gave an awkward wave, and she returned it before padding back to her cabin. Leo shut the door and leaned against it, sliding down until he landed on the ground. He thudded his head (quietly) against the wood, silently screaming at himself. He buried his face in his folded arms and cried.

* * *

Leo yawned, shaking his head to clear it of the fog that came with sleep deprivation. He hadn’t really rested in… what was it, a week now? Jeez, he really was pathetic… He blinked a few times before coming back to the present. Some dishes from the pasta Percy had made that night (as it turned out, he was a surprisingly good cook) lay soaking in the sink, a brush and detergent in Leo’s hands. He sighed before squeezing another stream of the greenish liquid into the sink and stirring it around with the brush. Looking at the detergent, he began to think. It really was an appealing colour… he picked up the bottle, turning it around, staring at it under the light.

“Um, Leo, what the hell are you doing.”

Annabeth’s flat-toned not-really-a-question made him glance at her quickly. “Not much…” he said distractedly.

“Leo. Leo, if you drink a mouthful of that, it’ll kill you.” Annabeth walked closer to him, waving a hand in front of his face, frowning at his entranced expression.

Leo hummed. Quickly, he scooped a small amount of the bright green liquid onto his finger and popped it into his mouth.

Annabeth gasped, reaching for his hand too late. “Leo!” she shouted. “What the hell, you’re not supposed to eat it!”

“Bleurgh.” Leo stuck out his tongue, the soapy taste lingering. He filled a glass of water and gulped it down, trying to rid the awful taste from his mouth. “Yeah, no shit, it tastes disgusting.”

Annabeth snatched the bottle from him and scanned its ingredients. Nothing that would kill him in such a small amount… he’d feel sick for a day or two, but maybe he deserved it for doing such an obviously dangerous thing. “Leo!”

“Yeah, what?” The casual way he said it irked Annabeth. Why wasn’t he more concerned? That could’ve poisoned him, gods dammit!

“ _What_ in the name of Tartarus was that meant to accomplish? Did you even consider the consequences?”

Leo sniffed. “It’s a very bright colour. It looked good. I thought it would taste good.”

“Leo, dish soap is poisonous! If you’d had even a _millilitre_ more than that, you could’ve died!”

“Just another benefit.”

“Leo, do you even know the reaction this would cause in your intestines-” Annabeth paused in her rant, hands frozen in mid-air. “What?”

“Hahaha, nothing.” Leo nervously snatched the dish soap from her hand and slammed it next to the sink. “I’ll just finish doing the dishes-”

“Leo.” Annabeth was staring at him with that pitying look in her eyes; he couldn’t take it. “What did you say?”

Leo exhaled slowly. “I made a dumb joke. It was inappropriate and I’m sorry.”

Annabeth still didn’t look convinced. She made Leo promise not to eat detergent again, but at least she didn’t push it. Once she had left the room, Leo groaned and ran his soapy fingers through his hair. It left an unpleasant, sticky feeling, but he couldn’t be bothered to do anything about it at the moment. Leaning against the sink, he hung his head and let a few tears drip down his face before he shook himself out of it and quickly washed the rest of the dishes.

* * *

Everyone was asleep. Leo was staying up late, manning the controls of the Argo II. He was also doing one of his favourite hobbies: hosting a pity party. Guest list; one Leo Valdez, a murderer, a failure, and generally a horrible human being.

He breathed out shakily, trying to maintain some sort of semblance of composure. The façade soon fell; in a matter of only minutes he was shaking and sobbing, salty tears pouring down his face. He abandoned the controls and curled up in corner of the control panel, sobbing as loudly as he wished. No one would hear anyway.

 _It would be so easy_ , his mind whispered, _so easy. Just jump off. They wouldn’t miss you. They wouldn’t care. They have each other; you’re just a useless hanger on. No, wait, you’re worse than useless. You murdered your own mother. How messed up do you have to be to do that? You fired on New Rome. You should’ve resisted the eidolon. They don’t trust you. You should jump off the ship already._

Leo sobbed louder, letting him lose himself in a wave of tears, self-loathing and suicidal thoughts. He began to get up, slowly moving towards the edge of the boat, climbing onto one of the benches and resting a leg on the very edge of the ship. It was a long drop to the ocean; the impact would surely kill him.

He didn’t notice the rest of the crew of the Argo II emerging from belowdecks, so deep was he in his thoughts. Only once Jason shouted “No!” did he finally realize he wasn’t alone.

“What…” Leo gulped, fear flooding his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Leo.” Piper moved forwards jerkily, as if worried that he would throw himself over at the slightest provocation. _She’s right, anyways_. “We’re here because we want to help you.”

Leo hated her pitying tone. Her pitying eyes. He hated all of them. _No, you don’t. You hate yourself._ Leo couldn’t disagree. “Why? I’m worthless. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t deserve to live.”

“That’s not true!” Annabeth burst out. “You’re smart, and you’re caring, and you’re funny. You _built_ this damn ship, Leo. We wouldn’t even be on this quest without you!”

Leo laughed self-deprecatingly. “You’re all a lot smarter than me. I’m sure you would have figured something out.” He hoisted himself up onto the ledge, looking down at the fall below him. Not too long of a wait, then he’d finally be gone.

“Leo, don’t do it,” Percy implored. “We can’t do this without you.”

“We _need_ you,” Frank beseeched. “Please don’t do this.”

“Where would we be if we didn’t have you? You always lift our spirits and make the day even a little brighter. Leo, stop and think about this for a second.” Hazel said.

Leo huffed. “I’m just an annoying hanger-on. I don’t deserve to be loved.” More tears dripped silently down his face into the ocean below.

“Leo, Leo, please,” Jason begged. He looked terrified. “Please, come down. Come away from the edge.”

“Bye, guys.” Leo waved weakly, letting out a last heart-wrenching sob before leaping over the side feet first.

He registered Hazel’s scream, Frank’s yell, Piper’s pleading, then felt a cool rush of air envelope him. He gasped, tears that had lessened while the rest of the Seven were talking to him returning, falling in huge droplets around him. His descent stopped, then he began to rise back up and was lifted back over the side of the ship and onto the solid deck. Jason’s hands fell to his sides and he rushed towards Leo, scooping him into a tight hug. Piper hit them both and they half-fell to the ground. Leo was crying even harder now, repeating “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry-” in a constant stream. Percy and Annabeth were next to join the trio on the floor, Annabeth letting her tears soak into Leo’s hair. Percy squeezed him, then Hazel and Frank wrapped their arms around Leo and it was just a mess from there.

Voices mixed together in a cluster of noise:

Annabeth – “NEVER do that again, please, Leo-”

Jason – “Leo, please, please, thank the gods, Leo, Leo-”

Frank – “Le-Leo, oh, gods, Leo… please, don’t ever do that again-”

Piper – “Leo, we love you so so much. Please, tell us what’s wrong, we will help you through it, we love you-”

Hazel – “Oh my gods, Leo, what were you _thinking_ , Leo, you’re alive-”

Percy – “Leo, I will always be here for you, we would all miss you so much, Leo, don’t go, please-”

Leo clung to them all, still sobbing. When they had all calmed down a bit, most of them let go (Piper and Jason refused to stop holding him) to let Leo speak.

“I…” Leo’s voice trailed off, eyes filling with tears. He let out a weak laugh, grimacing. “Time to make a joke.”

“Leo,” Piper said softly. “You don’t always have to joke. You don’t have to hide behind a mask of humour. You’re allowed to feel sad; we’re all human. We all feel sad sometimes.” Leo took a deep breath and nodded. “Why did you jump off the ship?”

“W-well,” he began, gulping, “I just… you’re all so important. You’ve all done amazing things. All I’ve done is shoot at New Rome and annoy everyone and murder my own mother-” he broke off into a gasp, ashamed as fresh tears made their way down his face. Piper gathered him into a hug again and he wrapped his arms around her, squeezing to try and show his appreciation for her comfort. He breathed for a couple of beats then tried again. “I’m not important like you guys. You all need each other. I’m just an annoying hanger-on who fucks up everything he so much as looks at.”

Jason’s lips thinned. “Leo, that’s not even halfway true. We would all be dead without you; we wouldn’t even be on this ship! Leo, you’re so important to all of us. We’re all your friends. We all love you and want to help you.”

“Please, Leo, if you ever feel like that again,” Annabeth gulped, clearly trying to hold back her own tears- “We’re here for you. Just, please. Don’t ever do that again.”

“Leo,” Percy said gently. “Can you promise to us that any time you think of suicide, you’ll tell one of us?”

“Y-yeah,” Leo’s voice cracked alarmingly, belying his emotions. “I promise.”

Piper smiled, dragging Leo into a tight hug. He giggled, surprised, and Jason wrapped his long arms around Leo’s torso from behind. Leo smiled, a true smile, and it was like the sun breaking out behind the clouds.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry Frank is basically non-existent in this fic  
> anyways I have to go to school now,,  
> so, I hope you enjoyed! Drop me a comment and kudos, and feel free to leave requests!  
> I KEEP FORGETTING TO DO THIS https://annabeth-the-duck.tumblr.com/ here's my tumblr come scream at/with me pls


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